Warning: Some of these tales are not for the bashful ! ) - REPOST
THE NEGLECTED WIFE:
Girls from poor households cannot afford to have all their dreams fulfilled. My parents cannot give any dowries. But t hey have to marry me off somehow ! So what happens? They look for a rich guy who does not need a dowry and this old guy came forward. Here I was a 18 year old girl getting married to this old guy . His age ? I don’t know. 50? 60 ? May be. Yes, we got married this morning. Tonight is our wedding night. All my friends make the usual jokes and I am let inside the room where my husband is waiting for me .
I am afraid of what is going to happen. I have been told all types of tales. But I am also curious. I look at my husband who seems to be half asleep. I go and sit on the cot and wait for him to say something. After few minutes he does wake up. He says “ I am sorry dear but this may pain you . But I have to consummate the marriage “. He gets on top of me and before I know what is happening he has dismounted also. He says he is tired and he needs to sleep. I also sleep but I wonder whether what had to be done has been done.
When my friends ask me in the morning, I make up some story. We all laugh and have fun but I am thinking of what will happen tonight. I enter our bedroom with anxiety. I hope it will be a fun night. But my husband seems to have some other plans. He tells me that today is All Saints Day and we have to keep ourself pure. He says that we should keep thinking of holy things . He adds “ No carnal knowledge today for us , dear” and goes to sleep. But I don’t know about these holy days. My father is poor. He works on all days . Yes, even on days which are holy.
Well, I look forward to the third night. May be this is the night when things will happen to me. My husband did approach me with what looked like passion and mounted me. But it was all over just like on the first night. He said he is tired and he has to sleep. And the next day was St Nicholas Day . We observed it with all piety . As we got into our bed, my husband reminded me that it is a holy day and we should not indulge in any passion. He added this would amount to sin.
My married life has gone into a pattern now. My husband finds various holy occasions for us not to do what healthy married people do. He will say that this is Saint Michael’s night and so we should not indulge in passion. On another night it is Saint Patrick’s day and no carnal knowledge on that night also. These are what he calls holidays for passion . I never knew so many saints existed. If he cannot think of any saint, he will say today is holy because our saviour did this or did that.
Of course, once in a while he does get on top of me. He makes all types of sounds and before I could count to 10 it is all over. Sometimes I try to count very fast but it does not help. He is faster than me and once I had not even gone beyond zero when it happened. Everybody thinks we are doing well. My husband Ricardo has given me good clothes. He gives me many presents. But he is not giving me what I really need. He takes too many holidays from the work he has to do with me. He is also very jealous. He makes sure that young men come nowhere near me.
We were in this state of affairs when he decided to take me on a sea voyage. We went to a coastal town and undertook several small sea trips. But calamity struck us on a windy night. While we wanted to be near the sea there were fierce winds which took our ship away from the coast. In the middle of this tempest, we were attacked by a pirate boat and the pirates looted us totally. As they were leaving our ship, the captain of the pirates took a look at us and decided to take me also. My husband was in tears and begged the pirate who looked very enamoured of me and did not want to let me go. I was crying but had no option as I was taken to the pirate boat. The boat was put in motion again and it looked like it would go to the high seas . As the boat moved away I felt sorry for my crying husband.
The captain of the pirates, called Paganino, looked like a nice person but I was scared of him. As the boat docked into a small town, I was also asked to come to the town and rest for few days. He and his men were all drinking and enjoying in the inn where we were staying. I did not want join them. As the evening was drawing to a close , Paganino opened the door of my room and walked in. I was scared but he calmed with soothing words. I was really nor ready for it when he started kissing me. I knew it was Saint Mathew’s day and therefore nothing would happen to me. As Paganino removed my clothes, I went on telling him about how holy the day was and that we should not indulge in our passion. He kept on laughing and put off the lights. As he mounted me I started counting. I kept counting and counting and he was still within me. I had really lost track of all numbers by the time he finally got off me. It was wonder of wonders. There were two big surprises for me. The first was I had to use my fingers many times to count before it happened and the second was that it did not matter to him how holy the day was ! ( The writer would like to assure the reader that he is not straying too far from the original which reads “ ..Every saint’s day and holiday went out of her head..” )
From that day onwards I was a changed person. The Pirate ( That was what I call Paganino) and I had become close. I was living most happily with him and forgot all about my old husband. Then it happened. We were in
Ricardo came into my room and started sobbing. He told me that it took him a long time to find me and how he has missed me . I acted as though I did not know him. I got angry when he said that I should come back with him.
(Let us revert to the original to hear what the lady has to say)” … I was a young, fresh, vigorous girl and you should have known that young women require something else besides food and clothes although they are too modest to say so. .. If you had given as many holidays to the peasants on your land as you gave the worker who should have ploughed my little field , you would not have reaped a grain of wheat…God has beheld my youth with pity and has allowed me to meet a man with whom I lie in this room where nothing is known of holidays.. we work and beat our wool day and night ..I intend to remain with him .. and I will keep saint’s days only when I am old. …”. When Ricardo started insisting I got angry and told him that I would scream. He left murmuring that the vile thief has no holidays!
Well, that is my story, After what happened Paganino learnt that I really love him and we became husband and wife. And as the story teller says “ ..They worked together and enjoyed themselves , without ever observing saint’s days or vigil or Lent”
THE CLEVER SERVANT: ::
I am a groom in the royal stables. My work is to clean the horses and keep them ready for the royal family. There is the king and he has his own groom. The princes also have their own grooms. But I have got this great job of being the groom for the queen. She is so beautiful and I am so lucky to serve her. When she mounts the horse , she touches me at times. Sometimes I have to hold her feet in my hands. At times she smiles at me. Those are difficult moments for me. Only fear of death stops me from touching her and embracing her.
It is becoming very difficult for me to contain my passion. What do I do ? I have to enjoy her somehow. I have to observe what the king does and hopefully imitate him. I very rarely see the king and queen together except in the royal court. They do not sit together and chat like other husbands and wives. She is kind of young for him and may be they do not have much in common.
I notice that the king comes to the queen’s apartments once in few nights . For other nights, I think he has concubines and people say that he sleeps with young boys too. After watching him for more time, I find that he comes in on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Poor queen !, I do not know what she does to keep herself happy on other nights. May be she sleeps with other women too ! Another thing I see is that there is no light at all in her rooms at that time. I think she lies in dark waiting for him to come. He comes in at midnight and leaves after two hours. I do not know what else they do. I go outside the apartment and try to find out what happens. God, they do not even talk ! But I hear sounds and sounds. And then the whole thing stops and the king steps out . Is that fun ? I do not know but I have to have her .
Well, I just decide to imitate the king. I watch the queen’s quarters. He did not come in on Wednesday. It is Saturday and he has not gone for his hunt. That means he will come to visit his queen today. I see her in the morning. She is joking with her maids and I am sure she is looking forward to have her fun with her husband.
I take a bath and make sure that I don’t smell. I am of the same height and build as the king. I have seen him with a cloak on his shoulders. At nine in the night it is dark everywhere. I put on a cloak and go to the queen’s apartment. I knock on her doors . As soon as a maid opens the door I just sail in without talking. I go to the queen’s bed , remove all my clothes and get in with her under the sheets. I can feel that she is happy to receive me. I don’t make any sound , kiss her and mount her. She laughs and says what is the hurry. But I do not talk. Well, I think she had missed her husband very much . She is very eager for my embraces, keeps saying that it is good, even better than before. I just do not talk and try to satisfy her . … Yes, she is satisfied but I do not stop. Yes, it goes on and on. But I also realize that I have to leave soon since the king is bound to come any minute. I get up from her and leave her as she is drifting on to a well contented sleep.
As I come out I hear heavy footsteps at a distance. I hide myself as the king goes in to the queen’s apartment. I am worried as to what will happen. I stand near the window and try to listen to their conversation. As soon as the king gets in , the queen asks with surprise “ what is the meaning of this visit. Just now you had lot of fun. You made me so happy tonight. Never have I been so happy… I do not mind you. But you should worry about your health. You have already done much more than what you usually do . Dear, please take care”. There is no sound at all for some time. Then I hear the king saying “ I am sure I can do more but I wont disturb you. Dear, go back to sleep”. As soon as the king comes out , I hear him say “ I have been duped. But the fellow is smart. I should find who it is. I better go to the groom’s quarters and find out. I am sure who ever has done all this much must have his heart pounding like crazy”.
As I hear him , I run to our quarters and lie down as though nothing has happened. I can hear the king come in. There are many of us and I see that the king is putting his hand on everybody’s chest to feel the heartbeat. I know that my heart is beating fast but what can I do. I cannot get up and go. As I lie waiting , the king comes and puts his hand on my chest too. My heart beats faster now. The king looks around and takes his sword out. I am afraid he will kill me but all he does is to cut off my hair at the backside. And then the king leaves !
I now understand what has happened. The king will ask all grooms to assemble tomorrow and try to recognize the person by looking at the hair. And then he will send me to the gallows ! I am really scared stiff. Well that too ! I think hard . Yes, I do have an idea. I take the shears used for cutting horse’s hairs. I go around and cut the hair on each and every groom sleeping in the room. And then I sleep .
Well, it is morning and as I expected we are all asked to assemble it the courtyard. The king comes in. I can see he is quite angry. He sits on his throne and asks each groom to come and kneel in front of him. We obey his orders. We all finish our turns but he asks us to come and kneel again. I observe him from a distance. His anger slowly turns into a smile. And then he addresses us: Something happened last night . Only two people know about it here. Whoever did it is a smart fellow but let him not repeat it” .
The king was magnanimous in his humiliation. The queen’s maids tell me that she keeps on remembering that early night when the king (according to her ) was really very entertaining ! And, as for me, I march forward in my life with memories of that sweet night with the beautiful queen!
THE DUMB GARDENER:
My name is Masetto. I am a peasant . Nobody can make enough money in the village. My father’s friend is a gardener in a convent just outside town of
The old gardener takes me inside the convent and introduces me to the Abbess. She is reluctant at first but the gardener convinces her by saying that the nuns cannot flirt and joke with me since I am a deaf mute person. I start to work and the old gardener goes away. There are eight nuns in the convent and all are quite young. Two of them are very young, may be my age or even younger. They all keep staring at me . And they make all types of jokes. I never knew that nuns could talk like that !
It was a hot afternoon and I was taking a nap after having worked very hard in the garden in the morning. All of a sudden I felt a smooth hand touch my shoulders. I saw it was one of the two very young nuns who have been looking at me rather strangely for the last week. She asked me to follow her and we went to this small alcove at the edge of the garden. When I went inside I saw the other nun was seated there. Then they made me sit on the bench and started talking to each other.
The nun who brought me with her tried to convince the other nun that they should lie with me : “ I have heard that all the pleasures of the world are hollow compared to what a woman feels with a man”. She went on in that mode for several minutes that the second nun agreed. They felt that nobody will know about it since I will not be able to divulge the secret . The bolder one first one decided to be the first to lie with me also and asked the other one to wait outside and signal if she sees anybody . Now I will let the original text speak : Masetto did what she wanted without waiting for an invitation. ..Then she gave place to her companion .. Afterwards when they talked about it, they agreed that it was even more pleasant than they had heard..
It happened that one after noon another nun saw what we were doing and came to us saying that she will denounce us to the chief nun. However, she relented after the other two convinced her to lie with me.
So, a week ago I had nobody and now I had three ladies to enjoy. I knew this would not stop here. Slowly all the other nuns came to know about it and they all decided to have a piece of the action.
My days and nights were full with such activity . It is no wonder that I was falling asleep quite often in the day. When I was taking one such nap I was woken up by a heavy hand on my shoulder. When I woke up I saw it was the abbess smiling and pulling my hand. She took me to her quarters and enjoyed me there for three days. The nuns were complaining that I am not doing any gardening but they did not dare to oppose their chief. Once in a while when I was let out I had to satisfy the other nuns also. It became more and more strenuous for me . When I was with the abbess one night ,I blurted out “ I have to satisfy nine women and cannot go on much longer ….. You must either let me go or find some remedy “. The abbess was wonderstruck and agreed when I suggested it was a miracle. And then she asked me about the other women and I had to tell her the whole story. She seemed angry initially but realized that she could not blame others without her partaking of blame also. They all came to some agreement to share me. It was also let out that I had gotten my voice and hearing back by the constant prayers of the nuns of the convent. Massetto went on working in the garden of the convent for years and years till he got old.
(Decameron, written by Giovanni Boccacio, is a world classic. It was written in 14th century
(** APPEARED IN SULEKHA FIRST IN 2008)
